Just when those menacing Africanised bees seemed content to return to their tribal lands, we're now faced with another Third World disease. No, it's not from the Orient my friend, this plague speaks Spanish. While trawling through the local papers, overcome with fear at the thought of my next plate of biscuits and gravy - yes Travolta, bacon is good too - possibly being my last, I may have already found a solution.
In their Who? What? Where? and never Why? expose on the dreaded Swine Flu, England's Independent foresees this devasting neverending night having an "impact greater than any terrorist attack, nuclear attack, or environmental disaster." Yet despite its threat there seems to be a real option.
With my biggest concern being my ability to continue to consume anything and everything, I seem to have found the answer in their penetrating question, "is it safe to eat pork?"
"Yes," they say, "Cooking destroys the virus."
Why don't we then, following Jonathan Swift, prepare a giant barbecue upon which we can place all the sufferers of this Globally Southern mentality. I can imagine our Southern friends tasting quite nice on a bed of turnips with a dash of Brown Sauce. We could even cook feasts according the soon to be lost peoples' own holidays. While some may be looking forward to Eid or the month-long African safari buffet, I can't wait for Thanksgiving.
So long brothers, welcome back swine.
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